Apparently you make a good broom.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize
