drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
