The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
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