I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
