Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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