Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
