I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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