I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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