My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
