Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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