kristin has been a bad kristin
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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