There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
