Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
