Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
