Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
