i just identified you from a description of your pipe
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I made him laugh his dick is mine
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
