fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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