i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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