you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
