I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
