to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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