So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize