saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
