I wish my penis had an off switch
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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