Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Randomize
