my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
