Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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