i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
