Apparently you make a good broom.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
