school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
