I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
