no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
dude. I can hear the air.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
