Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I just pynch a tree in the face
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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