i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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