I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Randomize
