It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I forgot wine drunk hurts
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