i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize