My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
