I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize