Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
birth control should be required to get into college
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Can I color on your dick again?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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