six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Randomize
