first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
this hospital has no fireball
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
