We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
