brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
