And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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