I'm lost and stupid without you.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
