this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
