saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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