none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
