the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize