hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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