she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
