Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
