apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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