Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
