i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
