pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
