was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
