i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
