so explain again why im purple
no
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
