He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
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