"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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