Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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