too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
