I CAN MOONWALK!
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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