i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
