so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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