I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Sext me about skeletons
Randomize
