used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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