went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
