i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
