i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
