I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
