I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize