Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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