i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
