YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
