I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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