You're earring is so big in my mouth
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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